Category Archives: Romance

Song #261 – I Can Be Your Bodyguard

There is a man enjoying a bit of notoriety on the internet at the moment, for having written a rather brutish letter to a female BuzzFeed writer. I won’t name him personally, so as not to give the situation any … Continue reading

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Song #700: Evelyn Turner’s Husband

I was too young to remember Evelyn Turner properly, but she used to live down the road from us. My father recently told me the story of how her husband died. It happened one Sunday afternoon – not long after … Continue reading

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Song #5617: Departuregate

This is a recording taken from an event I spoke at late last year – the week after I had chased a Canadian girl to the airport in order to declare my affections. I had written down the conversation she and … Continue reading

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Song #392 – The Break-in

During my seven very celibate years of secondary school, I made myself a vow. Too many times I’d seen girls – girls that I was wildly in love with – going out with awful men; braying, brutish arseholes who didn’t … Continue reading

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Song #261 – The Headmaster’s Daughter

The headmaster’s daughter had a surname that was very similar to mine. The headmaster did too, for that matter, but that didn’t seem so important to me as he was not the one I was in love with. I was … Continue reading

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Song #1670 – The Magic Number

Back when I was at university, I went through a rather wrenching break-up. Relatively speaking, it was actually a fairly simple process – no more complicated than my girlfriend Chloe deciding that she was a bit bored of me and … Continue reading

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Song #22 – A. Mann (and a woman)

I fell in love with an Aimee Mann fan once. Or, at least, I thought I did. It was one of those doggedly persistent teenage crushes – one that lasted for the best part of two years and one that, … Continue reading

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