Song #5617: Departuregate

This is a recording taken from an event I spoke at late last year – the week after I had chased a Canadian girl to the airport in order to declare my affections.

I had written down the conversation she and I had had on the phone from opposite sides of passport control on my phone as I travelled back from Heathrow Terminals 1,2 & 3 to Leicester Square (if nothing else, to stop me from texting the girl in question whilst I waited for the train to go underground and kill my signal) and didn’t quite know what to do with it.

Obviously re-enacting it almost verbatim in public was the natural answer – and lo, that is what came to pass.

The part of Kate is played here by the thoroughly wonderful Muireann Carey-Campbell a.k.a. Bangs and a Bun, who blogs here and tweets here. I’m sure you’ll agree she gives a wonderful performance – all the more impressive when you learn I handed her the transcript about three minutes before she came on stage.

There’s a transcript below in case you have trouble hearing anything:

Chapter 36: Last Call

Message Sent – 12:36
Right, I’m only going to wish you a safe and happy journey as far as Heathrow. If you’re still determined to leave the country, you’re on your own…x

Message Received – 12:54
No! Wish me well after Heathrow too! I’m superstitious!xxx

Message Sent – 13:15
Hmm. Maybe. I’m not sure. I’ll decide when you’ve made it to Heathrow x

Message Received – 15:06
You jinxed me! I just had the most cursed time because a) I had too much baggage and b) it was overweight. YOUR FAULT!xxx

Message Sent – 15:06
Where are you?x

Outgoing Call – 15:07

“Where are you?”


“Where are you?”

“The departure lounge.”

“You’ve gone through security?”

“It’s been horrible. My bags were so heavy, I ended up getting a taxi. One was so heavy they said they wouldn’t let it on the plane. I had to beg them to…”

“Kate. Have you gone through security?”

“Yeah… Why?”



“I’m, erm… outside.”

“You’re where?”


“I can’t hear you.”



“I’m at Heathrow.”

“You’re joking?”

“Erm. No.”

“You’re joking with me? You’re at Heathrow?”

“Erm. Yes.”


“I… To say goodbye.”

“You’re joking?”

“No. Not joking.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“No. I’m not. I’m at Zone D.”


“I’m at Zone D.”

“Shut up. You’re joking.”

“I’m not! I’ll prove it.”

Call Ended – 15:09

Message Sent – 15:09
Attachment 1.jpg  A picture of Departures 3 Terminal

Incoming Call – 15:10

“Oh my God.”




“You’re there now?”

“Well, yeah. Here. Right now.”


“Don’t worry, I was just sort of… Well, I wasn’t passing but I was sort of on the Piccadilly Line and saw Heathrow and thought I might… I don’t know. I was waiting by the bit where people come out from the tube. I thought you’d come past.”

“Oh my God. I feel terrible.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“That is so sweet. I can’t believe you did that.”

“Oh, it was no trouble. It’s fine.”

“Yeah, but still…”



“Look, I’d better go. There’s no real sense in me hanging around here.”


“This is a bit weird now, isn’t it? Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I can’t believe you came all the way down here just to see me. I feel awful.”

“No, honestly. Don’t feel bad. You mustn’t. That is the exact opposite reaction of what I was hoping to achieve. The point was for it to be a nice surprise.”


“I’m going to go now. Head back.”

“OK. Please, please, please stay in touch.”

“I will. Of course I will.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“It would mean a lot.”

“I will, but I really should go.”

“OK… Well, bye, I guess.”

“Yeah. I’ll speak to you soon.”


“Let me know that you get back OK.”

“I will.”

“Safe flight.”


“Bye, Kate.”


Call Ended – 15:12

Message Received – 15:28
I don’t know anyone else who would spend all day on the tube to come and say goodbye. You’re so sweet.

(She’s big on kisses this girl!)

This was an hour and a half ago. You are now on your way to meet your family…


This entry was posted in Romance, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Song #5617: Departuregate

  1. laine says:

    so then what happened?! i must know

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